Dear
Matthew,
Well I thought you would like a little bit of
news from home. I hope you enjoy the pictures
too. Your father is out mowing the lawn and
complaining as usual about the weeds, the
summer heat and his back. He
survived his heart attack last January, and
while in intensive care, he kept asking for
you. I brought in his favorite picture of you
and placed it by his bedside. You know, the
one of you and Dad at your Marine boot camp
graduation. I think the picture just being
there helped him through the worst of it. He
really misses you.Nancy
is doing fine. She is back to college and
finally getting her degree. Whenever she
comes home for the Holidays or on special
occasions, she always checks on your room
to make sure the bed is made and all is
tidy. She still regards you as her
favorite "little" brother, even though you
two were always at odds. She sure loves
you. Steve
is still flying for the airlines and can't
wait to build that little cabin in the
woods by the lake you and he always talked
about. Can you believe it, his daughter is
a Doctor now. She has her own practice and
two nurses working for her. Tomorrow
is Veterans Day and the family will be
here for Dad's legendary cook-out. And as
we have done for the last 32 years, we
will go through all those wonderful
pictures of you son. Dad will tell of
your high school football exploits
and how proud he was of you.
Steve still relives the night
you and he got into Uncle Don's homemade
peach brandy. Nancy will hold me as
I try and fight back the tears. It has
been 32 years, son. Thirty two years ago
tomorrow when the Navy Chaplain came to
the door. We
know where you are. We know you are in a
peaceful place. Take care my son. Take
care.
Love always, Mom
Now
my soul hath elbow room.
--
William
Shakespeare
If we spend too much time together we
are bound to grow weary of one another. This
would happen regardless of who the other
person was.
In a family, we need some time
apart to pursue other interests and
friendships. We may be able to meet many needs
for each other, but there will be some we
cannot meet.
If we press too hard upon one
another we will cramp our life together.Our
needs for space aren't just physical. Freedom to
think and feel what seems appropriate for us, to
be alone if we want, is a large part of our
lives together.Only
with this kind of freedom is love possible. Love
requires freedom. We
need to value each other, and at the same time
realize that no one person or family can fill us
with all life has to offer.
Dependency (on
another human being) is the
inability to
experience wholeness or to function
adequately without
the certainty that one is being
actively cared for
by another.
-- M. Scott Peck, M.D.
No matter what we
may think, over-dependence on another can be very
unloving because it drains others of any chance
for personal growth.
Those of us who have been
dependent on other people are so busy acquiring
love that we ourselves have no energy left to
truly give love.
It's as if we're
starving, and scrambling for every little bit of
love we can find, with no thought to offering it
to others.
No wonder they often
quickly get tired of us.
We can't force or expect
others to do things with us, talk to us, or love
us.
The way to be surely
loved is to be worthy of it.
We can work at being
worthy by exercising our freedom to feel and do
things without others' permission, and to allow
them the same opportunity.
